Little help for ‘sandwich’ gen
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Audrey Knapp’s day starts early in the morning, and, until she falls into bed at night, is absolutely jam-packed.
She usually spends the first few hours maintaining the small family farm she lives on. Then, in the midmorning, she devotes a chunk of time to her 90-year-old mother, who lives next door and needs daily care.
Knapp also works at a part-time job about 30 hours a week, and after making sure her mom is OK will usually take off for work.
To help make ends meet, she also runs horseback riding lessons on the farm, until very recently still had kids at home.
“I’ve been juggling between having children at home, having the farm, working at least 30 hours a week, as well as running the farm, riding lessons and helping my mom,” Knapp says.
“You have to be so organized, and there’s no such thing as a coffee break, or going to the gym or anything like that. It’s just steady from the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night.”
Knapp is one of many women in what’s become known as the “sandwich generation,” supporting both aging relatives and young adult children.
Giving up that much time is a tall order for anyone, but for people like Knapp, who also have to hold down a job, it can become nearly impossible, especially since many employers aren’t especially forgiving or flexible.
A recent study conducted by Home Instead Senior Care found that 23 per cent of women caring for an aging relative had supervisors who were “unsympathetic” to their situation.
Ninety-one per cent of women who responded to the survey also said they had to adjust their working lives to provide the care their relative needed. That meant things like taking time off, switching from full to part-time work and declining promotions.
“These ladies are really being tugged at both ends, and it’s causing more and more problems as we go on,” explained Don Henke, a Home Instead franchise owner.
Henke says many workplaces will tolerate someone missing time or calling in when they have to take care of a sick child, but don’t offer nearly as much sympathy when someone is caring for a sick parent.
He says Home Instead is lucky in that regard, because they are able to offer their employees flexible hours, but said even that isn’t enough.
He says businesses need to start being more flexible in allowing their employees to miss time to take care of sick relatives, even do things like allow them to work from home or hire extra staff to fill in.
“In my mind it’s almost coming to the point where it’s almost like childcare, where it’s going to be something everyone is thinking about,” he said.
Knapp, who works at Home Instead, says that, without the kind of flexibility the job provides, she would never be able to juggle all her responsibilities.
“If I worked in an office where I had to be there from eight until four, obviously that just wouldn’t work,” she says.
She said she sometimes finds her situation “discouraging,” because she’s not able to devote the kind of time and effort she would like to anything she does.
While women in Knapp’s position aren’t really getting the support they need, Henke says there are likely more supports out there than she any most others realize.
To help raise awareness about those supports, Home Instead has set up an online portal that provides strategies to people like Knapp, and outlines all the programs they can access.
Henke said there are multiple government programs and rebates for people taking care of aging relatives, some that can be claimed retroactively for years.
Knapp said any support she can get would be great, but added that, even though she feels stretched these days, it’s still a “privilege” to help care for her mother as she grows older.
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